Want
I came across Esther Rose’s last album, Safe to Run, in January during a Hurray for the RIff Raff deep dive. She is a genre bender, at home in alt-country, indie twang, and folk worlds. Perhaps, this is a reflection of having called Santa Fe and New Orleans home at different points. Her newest release is even more of a flex, tapping into grunge and emo in key moments (“Ketamine” and “Messenger”). Although I am completely hooked by the bridge in “Had To,” “Want” made the cut this week because desire and fear—very much two sides of the same coin—have been on my mind lately. More on that in a bit…
Both tracks are witty ‘list songs’ in the way of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon, “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies, or much of Cole Porter’s catalog (“You’re the Top”). She inventories desires contradictory, vain, naturalistic, erotic, mournful, Millennial (“And I want real money, but I can’t play the game”), and personality-specific. When she called out wanting to “write thank you letters and send presents on time,” it was at once validating and hilarious. Many years ago, I was so late in sending a birthday gift that I kept it. (So sorry you never got your Bishop Castle magnet, Ali Babij!) Venmo really is a godsend for neurospicy procrastinators.
Throughout “Want,” the percussionist favors the snare, producing an almost vaudevillian feel—exaggerated, campy, and full of surprises. Note the vocal cracks and time signature shift at the chorus! Esther’s final wish before the drum-forward finish: “Want my wants to come true if I want them out loud.”
Giving voice to our authentic desire leads us to a crossroads. In a paradigm-shifting blog post on desire and fear, Arielle Brown—an intimacy and embodiment coach— describes two types of wanting. She defines compensatory desire as escapism and authentic desire as embracing truth and liberating ourselves “from people’s expectations, externally-conditioned morality, or feelings of ineffable unworthiness.” We fear the latter, as much as we crave it.
Remember the climactic scene in American Beauty, in which Col. Frank Fitts shoots Lester after his sexual advances are (however gently) rejected? This reads to him as a disallowing of his deepest truth—his attraction and desire for men. This hurtles Fitts into the depths of shame and despair (and violence). As Arielle expounds: “The Ego abhors the prospect of our authentic self connecting to our authentic desire, because when we do, we threaten the Ego’s survival, the crumbling of false concepts of control, and a surrender into the great dark void of the unknown.” In coming out—as in the case of Col. Fitts—or even in walking a less traditional path (“Want to be married, but I don’t want kids / I want to believe in partnership"), we trade comfortable cages for uncertainty. Esther sees this and herself with a new clarity on Want. In “New Bad,” she muses, “All my fear is desire / And I want to set it free.” Her lyricism and look (a black latex suit - Meow!) inspires listeners to speak into existence what is true for them and to seek it relentlessly. “Cause it’s real life.”
Brown, Arielle. “The Alchemical Relationship Between Desire & Fear.” Arielle Brown, 9 May 2020, https://www.ariellebrown.com/blog-entries/2020/5/9/the-alchemical-relationship-between-desire-amp-fear. Accessed 19 May 2025.
Moore, Bill. “Esther Rose Taps Into More Expansive Sonic Territory on Wildly Satisfying ‘Want’ (ALBUM REVIEW).” Glide Magazine, 29 Apr. 2025, https://glidemagazine.com/312466/esther-rose-taps-into-more-expansive-sonic-territory-on-wildly-satisfying-want-album-review/. Accessed 20 May 2025.